I’m on fire!
I have something to say but I am afraid to speak.
Afraid of being heard, seen, judged, even listened to.
Afraid to fail but dying a little every day that I’m not trying.
Ever since I was a little girl, I had this passion for equal justice, this desire to make an impact and make this world better. But I can’t do that alone.
Every experience has helped to shape me into the woman I am today. I’ve made choices, some things were decided for me. I decided what to do from there.
Growing up, moving a lot, initially having financial stability and access to things such as basic needs, performing arts and outlets only to be torn out of one life and dropped into another, becoming homeless at 11, then being dumped into the projects in the hood, growing up without father or role models, mother being mentally ill and declining and addicted to drugs, being poor, desolate, forgotten, broken, confused. Finding my place selling drugs and hanging with gang bangers, having a child alone at 14, his father being incarcerated most of his life and inevitably being brutally murdered in the middle of the street in front of his aunt’s house.
Being somebody’s statistic, finding myself raising not 1 but 2 children alone after finally leaving an abusive relationship that I was so broken, I didn’t even realize until I got out and began healing. Having to fight to prove myself and twice as hard as people with certain advantages/privileges says a lot about me but it doesn’t define me. It doesn’t paint a picture of the woman I am today. But it has made me aware of things that otherwise, I may not know exist. It has made me want to fight to make a better life for my children and one day their children.
I remember growing up, all I wanted was to make it, to make it out alive and just make a life for my family. That is true for so many young people growing up in poverty or unpleasant circumstances. But that’s not enough. We were taught that life was hard and not to help pull each other up. We were taught to tear each other down. We were made to believe that we didn’t deserve better and if by some chance, we found a way, just go! I have also, through the grace of God and a spirit to prove authority wrong (make people think differently), had an unwavering determination to succeed.
I left high school in the ninth grade to pursue being an adult. I had a child, worked full time and school was holding me back. I met with the superintendent to request permission due to special circumstances to test for my GED. He complied but I don’t know that he thought I would pass. I did, my first try without any preparation. I was embarrassed by that for a long time. Who knew I would sit in a meeting with that same man years later? Shaking, I reminded him of what his small choice allowed and made an impact on my life forever. I was able to start college, I took my first college class at age 15 at the urban center for $10 a credit hour. Enrolled in the local University at 16 and competed at 21. I was the first in my family to go and graduate from college. I bought my first home at 27. Became Vice President at 30.
All of these things have been preparing me to live my purpose (empower, educate and challenge). It has taken me a long time to realize that these events have everything to do with me and nothing to do with me. I’ve lived through this so someone else doesn’t have to. So that I can be angry enough to use my voice to ignite at the very least a discussion and God willing, a movement. I’ve had these experiences so that I can reach people that don’t look like me and people that do. If you were to see me, you would never think or even believe my upbringing or what I’ve lived through. Thank God, I don’t look like my struggle. I can escape it, hiding behind my privileged appearance. But what about the rest of the world, the people who can’t?
It is our responsibility to make the world listen. It is our job to educate, empower and challenge individuals and organizations to do better, to think and live differently. Where does that begin? It starts with you, the choices you make every day. Where you choose to live, go to or send your kids to school, socialize, worship matters. We can’t continue to segregate people in communities and expect real change. Where does change in a community happen? It happens in the community with the people who live, work and go to school in those communities. How do you add diversity of thought, diversity of experience, race, gender, socioeconomic status? By moving into these communities and becoming active on councils and boards, by going into the streets with a broom and trash can to clean with a group of friends, by mentoring, speaking to youth and adults, educating them, connecting them to available resources to help them become more self-sustaining.
It can also be speaking up, advocating for others that don’t have a seat at the table and making room when there is an opportunity for them to sit at the table. Taking risks with people who don’t look and think like you. Caring enough to ask questions and be vulnerable about your lives. Apologizing for things we may or may not have done. Asking how we can start to make it up and heal together. Realizing that we can’t put a band-aid on this wound any longer. We need to organize/orchestrate and create real solutions with everyone at the table. We as nonprofits need to discuss what’s best for the individuals, we serve by including them in the conversation and hearing their perspectives.
The system is flawed…No, the system is broken. It was designed and has successfully continued to increase the gap; segregating our communities, lending itself to keeping the oppressed, oppressed. We must be willing to make radical changes if we want to see a radically different reality.
Creating social change, social impact through awareness. Having the conversation, acknowledging that others may have a different experience in than you do and embrace them.
Identifying the social challenges, we are facing and developing innovative and strategic solutions to make an impact, quality of life overall for all, better/stronger economic and workforce development opportunities.
Bringing people and communities together, not just to share a meal. We must be willing to take risks together.
Stop sending our children to private schools and instead invest in bettering our public-school system.
Start moving into neighborhoods that are less than desirable and bring others with you. Than create opportunities together to improve the neighborhood and its quality of life.
I don’t have this all figured out. But I do know, it is up to us to make changes today not only to change our reality but to change future generations to comes reality.
So, I ask you, how will you start?
